Beauty From Pain
by Kari Kurofai
Summary: Starclan . . . just for one more night, let us be together . . . Follow up to Taste Of Pain, BerryBirch oneshot.


**Beauty From Pain**

Birchfall shivered as a soft, cool wind whipped up from the surface of the lake. Blinking his eyes, he stared up at the stars. They were brighter than usual, closer, more beautiful. He wondered if he'd ever seen them like that before. He turned, running a swift lick over his slightly ruffled fur. It was peaceful here, though he didn't know why. He was definitely still in Thunderclan territory, he could smell some of his clanmate's scents. Firestar, Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Leafpool . . . A faint trace of Ashfur, which confused him. And . . .

The autumn furred tom cat's eyes widened, that scent, he'd know that scent anywhere. And it was fresh too, like that cat had just passed this way. His eyes narrowed, no, he couldn't . . . he'd left all of that behind. It was over. And yet . . .

He looked around. There didn't _seem_ to be any cat here. In fact, it felt very different from the Thunderclan territory he was used to, now that he thought about it. He had the faintest inkling that he was being watched, but he ignored it. It wasn't hostile eyes that were watching him, he could tell that much. It wasn't someone who would hurt him, so he shook the feeling off.

Following the scent trail, Birchfall bounded off through the undergrowth. The trail led up deeper into the territory, yet never straying to far from the Windclan border. The small warrior's heart shuddered in his chest as he watched the river between here and Windclan flow on it's path. It was near here, that Ashfur had died, wasn't it. He took a few more steps, wiggling through a thick patch of ivy, and came upon a small, clover flecked clearing.

_I didn't know this was here,_ he marveled. It was beautiful, the moonlight shining down directly into it, illuminating the small clover's and their flowers, making the whole clearing gleam silver. He pushed his way through the ivy, standing on the very edge of the place, his eyes shining as they roamed over the area. His breath suddenly caught in his throat as his eyes fell upon the cat whose scent he'd been following.

It was a tom cat larger than himself, with beautiful cream colored fur and amber eyes. He was staring up into the star filled sky, his head tilted on his broad shoulders. His eyes were glazed and distant, as if he had already lost himself in his memories long ago.

Birchfall stared down at his paws, and slowly approached the other tom. _Just this once, Starclan, please just this once. Don't judge us for just one more moment in time, please. _"Berrynose?" Birchfall whispered.

Berrynose's head whipped around, startled. "B-Birchfall?" He smiled slowly, unsurely, "hey. You okay? You look-"

The smaller tom cut Berrynose off with a swift lick to the other's cheek. "I'm fine. Stop talking about stupid things."

The cream furred warrior's amber eyes narrowed in confusion, "what . . . What are you doing, Birchfall? You're acting different than usual . . ."

Birchfall cocked his head, "usual? Usual is a lie, and you know it. Have you really forgotten, Berrynose? What it felt like, all those moons ago?"

Berrynose felt his ears begin to burn, and he looked down at his paws, "no . . . how could I forget, Birch. You were . . . _Are_, the most precious thing to me. And it will _Always_ be that way, even though we can never be together."

"But we can be together right now," Birchfall murmured, leaning in to lick Berrynose's cheek again.

"What do you mean?" Berrynose asked, his eyes wavering with confusion. "We're on Thunderclan territory, patrols come along the border here all the time. Some cat could-"

Birchfall flicked his tail over Berrynose's mouth, "Shhh . . . Have you ever seen this place before, Berrynose? Have you ever seen a place so beautiful, so perfect? Have you ever seen the stars look this close?"

"No," the larger warrior admitted, still confused.

"Don't you think that it's a little weird? I mean, before you found yourself here, what's the last thing you remember," Birchfall prompted.

"Errrr . . . Trying to sleep?" His eyes widened, "ooooohh . . . Oh! Can this really be . . ."

"A dream, yeah, I think so too," Birchfall murmured, "that's why it should be okay here, for us to be close again."

Berrynose's eyes clouded, "but . . . How do I know that you're not a dream

too . . ."

"Because, you and I will both remember this when we wake up," Birchfall whispered, leaning against Berrynose's shoulder. Waiting a moment, he turned and nipped his companions shoulder playfully, imitating the way the other used to do the same.

Berrynose hissed in surprise, turning to catch sight of Birchfall bounding off through the field of clover, laughing. The cream furred warrior shook his head, taking off after him. "Oh, so that's how you want to play, huh? Well in case you forgot, I was the master at that, Birch."

Birchfall mewed, startled, as Berrynose tackled him from behind. They rolled over and over across the sparkling moonlit clovers, laughing. The small, autumn furred warrior lay on his back, staring up into Berrynose's amber eyes. The larger warrior smiled, leaning down to nibble at the base of Birchfall's neck. Moving upwards in the same motion, he pressed his nose into the smaller warrior's cheek, licking it roughly. Even after all this time, he hadn't forgotten. Just the right amount of pain, coupled with the perfect amount of pleasure.

"I love you, Berrynose," Birchfall murmured in his ear, wrapping his paws around the other tom's back. "I still love you. And that will never, _ever_, change."

Berrynose rolled over, laying down at Birchfall's side. "Even when we wake up?"

"Even then," Birchfall assured, curling up next to him. His blue eyes rose to the stars above. "Do you think . . . That when it's our turn to be up there, that it will be like this? Be able to be like we are now, forever?"

Berrynose's eyes darkened, "I don't know . . . But . . . If Starclan disapproves when we get up there . . . What if . . ." He turned, nuzzling Birchfall's cheek, "what if you and I, just us, made our own place in the stars. Would you be willing?"

Birchfall smiled, "yes. As long as I was with you, that's all I would need. If we didn't have our clan, or Whitewing and the kits . . . I would have left with you long ago, Berrynose."

Something rustled in the branches of a nearby tree, and a pair of doves burst out of the leaves, sailing off towards the stars into the sky. Berrynose blinked, watching them fly, "and if I die . . . Just like those doves . . . Will you . . ."

"I will follow you," Birchfall murmured, pressing his face into the cream warrior's neck fur. "Forever, into the stars."

Jayfeather shuffled through the herbs he'd collected that day, feeling each leaf carefully to make sure he didn't miss-sort them. Though he never did. He blinked unseeing eyes as he heard someone shuffle into the den, and the scent of fresh sparrow hit his nose.

Turning, he smiled at the intruder, a cat he knew well. "Hey, Birchfall, is that for me? Great, I'm starving." He waited as the small warrior set the bird down at his paws. "A little early for a hunting party, don't you think?"

Birchfall shrugged, knowing Jayfeather would understand the motion though he couldn't see it. "Well . . . I woke up feeling great today, you know?" He smiled, "so I went hunting."

"Oh? And what would the reason for this be, may I ask," Jayfeather mewed slyly.

"I had a great dream," Birchfall whispered. "The most amazing dream, really. I still can't believe it happened, actually."

The silver-gray furred medicine cat smiled, "you're doing a lot better, Birchfall."

"How so?" Birchfall asked, confused.

"You've started to smile again, I know, even though I can't see it. I can hear it in your voice. You haven't been smiling very much since . . . Well, since Honeyfern hurt you."

"I know," Birchfall said quietly. "But . . . I really think, that even if things can't be the way I want them to . . . That I'm happy right now, you know?" He turned, flicking his tail across Jayfeather's nose. "Make sure you eat that. We can't have a sick medicine cat. And it's Greenleaf, there's lotsa prey!"

Jayfeather listened as Birchfall's light steps faded off into the distance, smiling to himself. "You deserved that dream, Birchfall. I'm glad I could help, at least just a little."

**And though I can understand why this happened**

**I know that I will when I look back someday**

**And see how you've brought beauty from ashes**

**And made me as gold purified through these flames**

**After all this has passed**

**I still will remain**

**After I've cried my last**

**There'll be beauty from pain**

**Though it wont be today**

**Someday I'll hope again**

**And there'll be beauty from pain**

**You'll bring beauty from my pain**

**-Beauty From Pain**

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Yaaaaaayyy . . . I've been meaning to write this since I heard the song above for the first time a few weeks ago. But I was on vacation . . . Anywho. This will NOT be a multi chapter thing, so don't ask. It's just a short little follow up to The Taste Of Pain, cause that is one of my most favoritest stories ever. Even tho I wrote it . . . ^-_-^

I love Birchy's relationship with Jay in this fic, and in Taste Of Pain too. Why can't they be best buds in the books? That's the only true OOC sorta thing in this and Taste Of Pain I think. Lol. But I LIKE it, dang it.

One more thing, did any of you catch the hidden meanings behind the ivy surrounding the clearing and the two doves in the tree? That's right, remember the metaphoric description of Birchy's kit's names in the last chapter of Taste of Pain? There you go.

Anyways . . . I hoped u all liked it. I had fun writing about these two again. I almost wish something horrible would happen to one of them in Omen Of The Stars so I could write a sequel to Taste of Pain, lol. What an awful thing to wish for! Hahahahahahaha.

Oh yeah, and the cats he smelled at the very beginning? All cat's that can cross into dreams with Starclan, and Ashfur, who is now in Starclan. (I think . . .)

And if u haven't checked out my new story, Glass Fire Curse, please do so! It's sorta the prequel to Taste of Pain. Lol. Yay Ashy!

Please Review! I wanna hear from u all!


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